Welcome To The Milk Bar

Welcome to the milk bar! We’ve got antibiotic-free milk from a free-roaming Brooklyn mom. Now which one of these things can I use store it?

Did you guess all of them? Wow, you’re right!

As long as it has a lid and it’s not rusty or contained water samples from the Gowanus Canal, I will store breast milk in it. Luckily, it hasn’t come to using many of the items in the above image, but in honor of the impending end of lactation I’m going to use this post to honor some of my most trusted receptacles.

I am not sure how much longer I’ll be pumping, but at this point, fourteen months in, trying to express with the pump is like trying to squeeze water from a stone. I’m not sure how much Boo Boo takes in when he’s latched, but the one or two times a day he does try to nurse he doesn’t seem to be getting a whole lot. He’s too much of a busy little guy to want to nurse much anyway. The broom certainly isn’t going to knock itself over and the spices need his help if they are to be strewn about our kitchen floor.

I am lucky to have had an eight-month childcare leave, which means by the time I went back to work, Boo Boo was eating a whole lot of solids and did not need as much breast milk as most babies do in this county when their moms go back to work, which is twelve weeks after birth for a lot of jobs, and less for people who have barbaric employers.

Anyway, if you have to start building your stash when your baby is like one month so that you have a massive supply for when you go back to your work, then there’s no goddamn way you’re going to have room for that many jam jars full of milk unless you have a walk-in freezer–hence the legions of little baggies and two-ounce containers that many moms have to get. But if you’re like me and you’re pumping for a small stash, then there’s really no need for you to invest in extra bottles. Unless you never buy jam. Also, unlike new bottles, these jars have stories to tell. They have character. Let me introduce you to my cast of characters, the characters that keep the milk bar running.

Also, FYI: when I took these pictures I wondered if it would be more authentic to take the pics after I’m done pumping, when there’s milk. And it would, but it would also be pitiful. My supply has gone down so much that thirty minutes of pumping yields only two ounces. Sometimes only one. And I’m okay with that, I really am (okay, no I’m not because I hate pumping and if I’m going to do it I’d rather have a much higher yield). But I’m a glass half-full kind of person, and my glass half-empty jars would look sad, and it’s not a sad situation. It’s really not. It’s been fourteen months fer feck’s sake.

The Usual Suspects

As you can see, this jar used to house some herring. I got this jar of herring when I was in the Albanian section of the Bronx for work. There was a corner store that had a whole bunch of Albanian and Eastern European products. I got a jar of pickled mushrooms and this. I don’t know where that jar of mushrooms went but if I still had it, it too would have been a milk receptacle. Also, there is milk in this jar, but its not my milk. It’s coconut milk. I like to use coconut milk when I make pancakes. It has a nice consistency and this is where the leftover stuff went.

 

If Jer-Bear’s parents ever visit this site they’ll recognize this. We liberated it from their house. They had a whole bunch of water bottles, so we figured they wouldn’t miss this one. We want to give it to Boo Boo when he’s older. It’s the perfect size for a little kid, and I can’t wait for him to ask us what Alcatraz is.  As you can see there is frost on the bottle because it was in the freezer, because as you can’t see, there is milk in it. Authenticity.

 

This used to have jam in it. I don’t recall what kind of jam, maybe rhubarb or strawberry preserve. It is either from the farmer’s market or from a farm stand in Vermont, but it might even had jam from my friend’s mom in the Czech Republic, given to me way back when I used to live in Washington Heights, in which case it traveled across an ocean, and then across the East River to serve as a bearer of milk. Oh wait, the writing on the lid is English, so it can’t be from the Czech Republic, although that would have been the best story.

 

I almost didn’t want to put this in here because it’s so normal, but that would have been inauthentic. I also need to acknowledge my friend who gave me a whole bunch of these, and other bottles and her old pump after she was done using it. I really like these guys because they only hold 2.5 ounces, which means that they demand much less milk for you to feel a sense of accomplishment about your pumping session.

 

You can’t tell, but this used to contain ghee. I got it at the Flatbush Food Coop. I used the ghee to fry and sautee things, as it has a really rich taste to it–more savory than regular butter. When I was done with the ghee I used it to store spices, and when I realized before heading back to work that I really needed a stash of milk receptacles so I put the spices elsewhere. This is such a nice jar. It’s so thick and sturdy and just last week I dropped it. It hit the floor without a single crack or complaint. After I’m done putting milk in it, it can begin a new chapter being a container for berries, kiwis or other squishable fruit that I want to take to work.

 

I don’t store milk in this, but the first time I pumped I wanted to see what my milk tasted like. Jer-bear and I each took a swig from this shot glass. I had expected breast milk to taste like heavy whipping cream, but it tastes more like almond milk. It’s very sweet!

It’s funny to read about scientists who try to figure out where mankind’s sugar cravings originated. A prevalent theory is that we are drawn to sweet things because we know they’re not poison, and homo sapiens would have stumbled upon many wild fruits in the paleolithic era. But now that I’ve tasted breast milk I know that to be bullshit. It has nothing to do with wild fruits! Humans are built to crave sweets because their first taste of anything is sweetness, and they need to want to chug lots and lots of the substance that contains this flavor so that they can triple their birth weight by the time they turn one. We are designed to like sweets because we are designed to drink lots and lots of milk.

Anyway, cheers to breast milk.