Baby, it’s cold outside!

You know what I love to do? I love to beat a dead horse. That’s why I’m going to talk about why “Baby, It’s Cold Outside” is either the worst song ever, or not really that bad so get over it. Just kidding!

“Baby, it’s cold outside” is something I’ve been saying to my literal baby (okay, toddler) ever since this Tuesday, when it went from 50 in the morning to around 20 at nightfall.

I decided to take him to the library. Always before we go anywhere I get him ready first and then I get ready. We usually use the stroller, but the weather necessitated the Ergobaby. We’d keep each other alive by sharing body heat. Carrying around a baby is like having a portable furnace.

But Boo Boo felt like a furnace before we left. He had two layers of pants, a long-sleeved shirt, a sweater, his coat and his shoes on. He gripped a little toy train in his hand while he watched me getting ready. It took a while. I needed my sweater, my vest, my coat, and then Jer-bear helped me strap on the carrier. I can usually put on the carrier by myself, but when you’re wearing a big winter coat sometimes it feels like you might as well be wearing a strait jacket because it greatly reduces arm function.

Getting Boo Boo into the carrier was like giving birth in reverse. It was extremely difficult to dilate the opening of the carrier enough so that he’d fit in. I also wedged his arms into the carrier, and then I wrapped a shawl around us to add an extra layer of protection from the wind.

Boo Boo thought this was a step too far and erupted in protest.

“But baby, it’s cold outside! We need to be warm!”

“Warm,” he responded, giving me the benefit of the doubt as he often does, which speaks more to his generous spirit than to my qualities as a human being. Once we got outside Boo Boo was totally okay with being straight-jacketed to his mother.

Anyway. This cold is killer. When you’re a parent nature can be your steadfast partner, a reliable friend. There is always an answer to the question of what are we going to do today in the spring, summer and fall. Go outside. There is always something there! Outside is always a reset for a child who is frustrated by everything, and for a parent who is frustrated by their child.

Parents in cold climates all across the world grumble about winter. What on earth are we going to do with our kids? They wonder. Some ask because for them winter is a killer in the literal sense. Winter is a challenge in New York City. We live in an apartment with four rooms, including the bathroom. There is no way I can ask my toddler to be okay with hanging out here all the livelong day. I don’t even want to hang out here all the livelong day. But the question is, where can you take a toddler when it’s dark and freezing outside? And what can you do inside when outside is not an option?

I’m not an expert on all kids but here’s some things that Boo Boo and I like to do, in no particular order:

1. Go to the library. It’s not outside, but it’s a different inside and a change of scenery always helps. Of course our library has a kids section, but even if there were no kid books at all Boo Boo would still get a kick from running around the shelves and interrupting the citizenship test prep class that meets at our branch in the evenings.

2.  Let’s face it. You probably need groceries, even when you don’t. That’s just how it is when you’re a parent. Sure, doing your grocery shopping online is convenient, but by carving the grocery store out of your life entirely you’re eliminating a great form of toddler entertainment. Boo Boo loves sitting in the shopping cart; it’s his personal chariot. I know he is enthralled by seeing all the colorful cans, boxes, bottles, containers and bags all perfectly lined and stacked. Stacking is one of his favorite things to do. He also has to make his rounds and greet all the cashiers.

“Oh, he’s my favorite,” they always say when he flashes his dimpled grin.

“I bet you say that to all the toddlers,” he says back.

3.  Boo Boo likes to go “swimming”. This is what we call bath time. We don’t fill the whole tub with water; Boo Boo gets a little reckless if there’s too much water, but we fill a big bucket with water and put a bunch of water-friendly toys into it, and they go swimming. I rinse and wash Boo Boo while he tests out the physical properties of his floating toys. This serves the dual purpose of getting my child clean while also killing about twenty minutes.

4.  Boo Boo also likes to dance. I’ll play something from my laptop (Rolling Stones and Fela Kuti featured prominently in our most recent dance party), and after Boo Boo has accepted that there’s nothing cool to look at on the screen, he’ll come and join me. Sometimes Jer-bear will join in and then it’s really a party. This is also good for twenty minutes.

5.  We will draw on anything that is paper: a delivery box, unopened promotional mail from the bank, cereal boxes, the backs of flyers. We have not yet purchased a coloring book and there’s really no need to yet.

6.  Usually when you have a toddler you don’t have silence unless something is very wrong, and once in a while it’s because something is very right. The potential very wrong things, like if your toddler is trying to scale the shelves, or when you’re toddler is tagging bedspreads, or if your toddler fell out the window, greatly outnumber the very right things. The very right things boil down to two things: your toddler is sleeping or reading a book.

When I’m cooking Boo Boo likes to hang out in the kitchen with me, trying to take things out of the fridge when I open it to grab more butter, rearranging the spices and trying to get into the cabinet under the sink. If I can’t see him I can at least hear him. I will know if he’s trying to pick the child-proof lock on the cabinet under the sink, or if he’s opening the fridge, or when all the spices have fallen. I am always looking over my shoulder. When you’re a parent of a toddler your radar for silence is sharp. A lack of noise instantly puts all systems on high alert and cortisol is released throughout the body. Silence prepares you for the worst, but it is quickly replaced by serotonin when you see your child sitting on the floor, looking intently at the pages of a book. Make sure your child has easy access to all their books, and always make them help you put them away if they can’t put them all back by themselves.

7. Go to a cafe!! There are a few child-friendly cafes in Sunset Park, but I’m sure there’s some in your neighborhood, too. Child friendly doesn’t need to mean that there’s children’s books and games or any of the other frills associated with being “child-friendly”. A child-friendly space can be a place with a back room that’s not crowded and a large table for your toddler to run laps around. At least one thing on the menu that they’ll eat is a must, same with space to park your stroller. Yafa Cafe has exactly all of this and more, including a front lounge area that feels more like a living room. The friendliness of the owners adds a communal vibe. The cafe is right by the train station and it has a giant glass window that allows your child to people watch while you drink your coffee. There’s also a collection of coffee table books that Boo Boo likes to leaf through. Another good local place is Slimak. Go there when it’s not too busy because that will increase your chances of grabbing the table at the way, way back. This is a must, not only because it’s the only table that has stroller parking nearby, but because it’s right next to the bookshelf stocked entirely of children’s books. It’s by the glass back door, so your toddler can survey the alley.

This is not a comprehensive guide to cold days. It does not include trips to the museum or play cafes and many other deserving places. They are simply go-tos that have helped us weather the weather in our daily lives and give us a sense that we will survive the winter.